Circle Me, Lord

Circle me, Lord.
Keep protection near and danger afar.
Circle me, Lord
Keep hope within. Keep doubt without.
Circle me, Lord.
Keep light near and darkness afar.
Circle me, Lord.
Keep peace within. Keep evil out.

Prayer by David Adam.

For the past few weeks, our church services have started with the reading of this prayer. I have not yet been able to say all of the words before tears begin to well up in my eyes and my voice catches.

Three weeks ago, we came to Norwood United Methodist Church to attend for the first time the church that our family would be serving in ministry. My husband would begin preaching the following Sunday so our first Sunday we planned to just worship from the back pew and observe. This was the first impression I had and I knew that God was speaking to me during this opening prayer.

We moved three weeks prior to my daughter's surgery and packing and unpacking boxes was a nice way to take my mind off of the looming date. Whenever I let my mind wander, the fear is always there. The fear I experience isn't about the surgery itself. Instead, I'm taken back to the paralyzing fear from November 15, 2014, the fall that caused it all. The time I laid my daughter down and turned my back just long enough for our lives to be changed dramatically.

I hate to always talk about that day. I really hate to relive it daily. But the truth is, I see that moment in my mind almost every single day. I see her hit her head on the wood floor. I see her face, red and crying, as I picked her up. I see her eyes flutter as Joe and I shouted her name and shook her. I see Joe run out the door with her, heading for the hospital. It's with me, always.

Friday's surgery should resolve all issues that remain from the fall. From brain bleed and bone flap removal to bone replacement followed by the bone recessing, my child's skull has not been round and there has been a visible reminder to me daily of the accident that almost took her away.

Following the night of the fall, I struggled with my faith in a way that I never have since accepting Christ as my Savior. My child had been spared, but I felt so undeserving. I doubted myself and questioned my ability to keep her safe. I was living in fear and while I was so thankful to have her, for the first time, I began to feel like that would not always be the case. After being so positive for so long, I had hit the bottom and did not know how to come back up.

One night was especially awful. I wrote this blog about the nightmares I experienced nightly. After my writing and the prayers of so many faithful prayer warriors, things began to improve. I let go of the fear that was controlling me and began to trust God again to lead my path.

As we prepare for this surgery that will finally leave my daughter with a round head and remove the physical reminder of that dark time, I have felt some of the fear coming back. It's as though I'm being reminded that our time is not promised. Like my nightmares many months ago, Satan is creeping into my life and telling me to be fearful.

This week, when I feel the pull to fear I've been instead saying "Circle me, Lord". What a beautiful mantra to carry with me this week! I encourage you to read it again and join me in asking the Lord to circle us all. He is our protection, our hope, our light, and our peace. May we feel Him circle our lives.

Circle me, Lord.
Keep protection near and danger afar.
Circle me, Lord
Keep hope within. Keep doubt without.
Circle me, Lord.
Keep light near and darkness afar.
Circle me, Lord.
Keep peace within. Keep evil out.